Throwing Darts at the Future

DartsThere I was driving home on Highway 1 the other night, ruminating about the future of real estate, when I came to a grinding halt in bumper-to-bumper traffic. As I sat there unmoving, I glanced up at the Caltans billboard near 41st Avenue and noticed a string of strange flashing lights and random words running across the electronic screen.
Suddenly my cell phone rang and an eerie mechanical voice on the other end said: “Pay attention and write.” I was so shocked I grabbed my laptop and for the next three hours a series of messages channeled through the traffic board as I feverishly tried to keep up with my meager typing skills.
What follows is only a small part of all I was shown and told. Predictions for the future courtesy of some Century 23 Agent traveling back in time? Who knows? Fact or fantasy? You be the judge. I’m just the instrument of some higher power with a heck of a cell phone bill.
•    A study by the National Association of Realtors will conclude that making more Pocket Calls does not result in a larger inventory of Pocket Listings.
•    A missing Escrow Officer will be found alive under a massive avalanche of paper after surviving 6 days without food, water or a sanity check.
•    Home Ownership will officially be declared an alienable right of the American Dream.
•    An entire Cabrillo College class in Abnormal Psychology will apprentice at a local Real Estate Company for a year of in-depth fieldstudy.
* As more Americans adjust to simpler lifestyles in the post-recession era, a dramatic increase in the number of Near-Life Experiences will be reported.

*  Sweeping new consumer-legislation designed to protect homeowners will require builders to install Air Bags inevery new home.

* Realtors will expand their efforts to reach Millennial Buyers with cutting edge marketing/ branding techniques like company tattoos and vanity piercings.

* A large pharmaceutical firm will begin clinical trials for a mourning after pill designed to relieve symptoms of Buyers Remorse.

– When Baby Boomers universally declare that old age doesn’t start until 75, defiant 20 somethings will proclaim that official adulthood doesn’t begin until the age of 40.

– Agents holding Open Houses will begin handing out insulated booties to encourage more buyers with cold feet.

– When neuro-scientists discover consumer brains respond more directly to smells rather than sights and sounds,  more Aromatherapists will become Home Stagers and make “Sell the Smell” a common catchphrase.

– More frustrated homebuyers will turn to online Virtual Dream Homes in thecoming year, where their Avatars can easily move into custom comfort. California will also begin exploring a Virtual Property Tax.

– EXTREME MORTGAGE: HOME EDITION will make its debut on Reality TV. First time buyers will compete for loan approval while a panel of celebrity underwriters comes up with a new set of performance anxieties each week.

– Remote Viewing will be just one of the innovative new forms of Psychic Marketing that begins to replace old fashioned, web-based, virtual tours.

– A prestigious group of spin-doctors will accuse the National Association of Realtors of implanting false market memories in the minds of vulnerable buyers and sellers.

– Conversation Pits will begin making a comeback in American homes.  They’ll be located in lead-lined safe rooms, where no electromagnetic wifi or cell phone frequencies can penetrate.

– A class-action lawsuit against Zillow will reveal that the company’s online real estate values are actually derived from white collar sweatshop employees in India throwing darts, rather than a series of secret mathematical algorithms.

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