X Mas for Realtors

Well, it’s Christmas Eve and there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of anything stirring in the House (or the Senate for that matter). Everyone’s gone Home for the Holidays and it looks like Real Estate is going to have to forego any of the “big” presents it asked for this year.

No big jump in jobs. No big sigh of relief loosening up tight credit. No big reduction in the shadow inventory hanging out on the horizon. No big sea change in consumer confidence headed our way. Maybe we’ll have better luck next year near the end of 2012 when those Mayan Promotional Calendars we sent out tick closer towards ground zero.
But there are only a few shopping hours left and we’ve got to get Realtors something or we’re going to get stuck putting euros in everyone’s stocking. Since this is Real Estate of Mind and it’s always the thought that counts…I’ve come up with a list of last minute gift ideas for Realtors that you can at least think about buying your favorite Real Estate Agent.

The Ultimate REALTOR Fanny Pack: Everyone in Real Estate can use a little help covering their behinds these days. This beautifully crafted leather fanny pack is crammed full of the latest/greatest ass-saving devices – plug-in carbon monoxide detectors, water-heater strapping kit, smoke alarm batteries , low flow shower heads, fireplace damper clamps and more….

UnVanity License Plate Frames: For cutting edge Agents in sync with the new normal . Those who know that too much success is not a good thing. Four Models to choose from that fit all late model BMW’s and Lexus’ ….. “My Other Car Isn’t Leased”, “ I’m Short Sale-ing this Car”, “ The Bank Owns This Car – Just like Your House” and “Used to be in the top 1% now just a Real Estate 99%er.”

Wallmart Brand Pepper Spray Dispensers: For use in those difficult multiple offer situations when clients want to dissuade the competition and move to the head of the line.

Mock Realtor Sock Puppets: Perfect educational tool for hard to convince clients. Works equally well on Sellers determined to chase the market down and Buyers who can’t pull the trigger. With these on hand, Agents can be brutally honest and say all those things they couldn’t say before.

Realtor Door Mats: Promotional door mats handcrafted in Agent’s own image. They can personally greet every prospective buyer of every listing right at the front door. Boosts their ego by letting people walk all over them literally rather than figuratively.

Orange Oil Massage Products: Perfect for on the spot termite control , bed bug infestations, or persistent client cooties.

Road to Nowhere Bumper Stickers: Do you Know Where Your ARM is? Flip Real Estate – One Finger at a Time! Mortgage …Why do you think they call it Death Tax? I’m Addressed for Distress are You?

Real Estate I PHONE APPS: Random Number Generator App – ideal for choosing a list price. Vanilla Extract App – generates that warm and cozy open house smell. Marble App – put that phone on the floor and see if it is level. Slumlord Map App: Instantly pull up every student rental in a 3 block radius.

Market Periscopes: Easy assembly. Perfect re-gift for Underwater Homeowners who want to keep an eye on prices and know when they can come up for air.

Niche Gifts for Clients: Seed and Stem Packs – a sensitive way for Agents to tell down and out clients they care. Forget-You-Nots – flower seeds to send out after that next escrow from hell. Recession Recipe Cards – delicious menu tips using spilt milk, sour dough, entrees stewed in juice and guaranteed to stick in most craws. Pot Pourri: A delightful blend of medical marijuana selections designed to light up homes even on the most dark and depressing days.


One thought on “X Mas for Realtors

  1. Cosette Thal

    You are soooo funny.
    I love how you think and the things that you come up with.
    Put these all together in a book for generations to come
    since history repeats itself.


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