The Calculus of the Narrative

Ok. Oly Oly Oxen Free. Here it comes. Ready or not.

The holiday hiatus is over. The furlough has expired. The sabbatical from real estate everyone seemed more than willing to take at the end of the year, with or without pay, has run its course.

When the principal actors (buyers, sellers, agents) tacitly agree to shut things down for a month – it’s the perfect excuse to limit expectations. No one can be too disappointed because nothing much was supposed to happen anyway.
Real estate lite. Tastes bland. Less filling. But a great self-fulfilling prophecy that helps lower the bar.

Wouldn’t it be tempting to stay here in our real estate of unanimated suspension forever? Floating weightless? Going through slow motions? Void of emotion? Thoughts adrift?

A no man’s land-escape filled with the illusion that there’s always going to be plenty of time to fix things? Maybe this spring!! For now…the market dissolves. The future seems a long way off. And life is but a dream… until it isn’t again.

The real world calls. The gravity of the situation is kicking into gear as we re-enter earth’s atmosphere. Time to re-engage the thrusters. Push the reset button. Get back to business as unusual.

It’s the cusp of a brand new year and here we are. Game on.

So where exactly is here again? Where did we leave off before we were so rudely waylaid by the holidays? Hard to figure.

Real estate in 2011 came and went. Moved in and out like a ghostly apparition. A lingering echo but no tangible progress. No mandate. Firm footing. Wholesale change. Or proof positive.

If real estate was going to reinvent itself and design a comfortable new place to live in our hearts and minds in 2011, it didn’t get very far. The as-built structure looks nothing like the plans on the drawing board last January.

Looks more like the architecture of surreal estate. Unfinished doorways leading to narrow precipices. Windows opening onto tight corridors. Escher-like stairways incorporating strange tricks of perspective. A series of never-ending steps looping back on themselves.

We went back to the future with interest rates from the 50’s but ran head-on into the credit crunch. So we went forward into the past as the median price receded to 2000-2001 levels.

More Buyers wanted to buy and waited for better properties. Sellers didn’t offer better properties because more Buyers didn’t buy. By default, distress sales loomed larger. Values declined further. Short sales weren’t short. Closure didn’t arrive at the end of the foreclosure tunnel. The shadow inventory got shadowier. First time buyers couldn’t compete with all-cash investors. Rents rose counter-cyclically.

While the economy was waiting for Real Estate to lead, Real Estate was still waiting to follow.

Newsmakers are working hard to conjure up a few bold headlines to start the year. Spinners are spinning. Indicators are indicating. Pundits are postulating. Everyone is positioning for change.

It all feels disingenuous. Like the little boy crying recovery. We back-dated the end of the recession to 2009… shouldn’t it feel better by now? Shouldn’t good news sound more like good news and less like the rehabilitated absence of bad news?

The real story of Real Estate right now is: there’s no discernible narrative. Just competing storylines that don’t fit. And the calculus of the narrative doesn’t add up. No one can possibly do the math and figure it out.

The goal of 2012 has to be a completely new story. Enlist some real resolutionaries to come up with a radical new set of New Year’s resolutions. We were still looking at the tip of the iceberg last year. Not the tipping point.

Circling Birds

This goes out to all you circling birds. You don’t mind if I call you that do you? Ok. It might help if I told you what circling birds are…You decide for yourself if the flight pattern fits.

Whenever I sit down with Sellers thinking about putting their home on the market, the conversation inevitably turns to active imagining of who their buyer might be.Everyone wonders. What does the profile look like? That mysterious Buyer X who is going to emerge from the shadows of the mysterious “marketplace” – made up of a constantly shifting mix of people. All different ages, demographics, life circumstances, future goals, desires, needs.

Sometime, somehow, someone is going to decide on their one right place, out of all the other possible places lined up like addresses on the lottery board. A buyer that’s going to pull it together. Summon up courage, and resources. Proactively take steps to make it home.

My answer to most Sellers is that the Buyer most likely to step up sooner rather than later isn’t someone who just started looking or is just thinking about looking. Rather, it’s one of those circling birds out there. One of those anxiously active, slightly frustrated buyers who has already really been looking for months – without arriving at their destination.

Yep. Circling birds have been at it for a while. Applying themselves. Doing their homework. Making the rounds. Defining what they want as they go.

Circling birds are tracking the market. They are hooked up to an intravenous fiber optic line feeding them search engine e mails and a steady dose of new listings and price reductions. They are remarkably knowledgeable about what has sold. What’s gone into escrow. What prices used to be. They know their own little market niche better than most Agents.

Circling birds have tromped through those atrocious bank-owned properties that give us the creeps. Some have already made offers on short sales. Exhausted their patience waiting for a response. A few have lost out in multiple offer bids for a really great place. Felt bitter pangs of disappointment. Dragged their hearts up and gone back into the trenches looking.

Each of these experiences, every house they have seen, has sharpened their focus and desire. Circling birds have already narrowed their parameters by looking high and low. They’ve grown more sure of what they want – through the process of elimination. They’ve looked at everything in their price range.

And that’s the whole thing Sellers… Circling birds are ready to go. But the inventory is exhausted. There’s nothing else to look at except that next best thing that comes on the market – your place.

When your house goes on, all those ready, willing and able buyers are going to sit up and take notice. They are going to bug their Agents to show it to them. They’ll be doing drive-bys coming home from work. They’ll be doing virtual drive-bys on google earth. If it looks right and priced right, they’ll swoop in for that first open house.

In a market that is supposed to unequivocally be a “buyers market”, there’s a fascinating irony that keeps inserting itself into the proceedings. There are a remarkable number of all cash offers, and multiple offer competitions happening, despite all the stories about seller desperation we keep hearing.

Thank those circling birds. They know that if they don’t grab it, someone else will. Sellers, get your homes on the market. Forget all the bull about waiting till next spring. You want to be on the market when the fewest other homes are. The circling birds are out there waiting.

Through The Glass Darkly: Real Estate for 2012

What’s ahead for real estate in 2012? Tough question. Gazing into the old crystal ball feels more like the looking through glass shards darkly these days.

But here goes… I picked up one of those old cans we’ve been kicking down the road and converted it into a homemade collide-a-scope. I’ve got it pointed forward towards the light and here’s what my own colorful, mosaic view of the future looks like:

- More big banks will convert their shadow inventories of foreclosed homes into long term rental properties offering attractive new incentives to subprime renters – like low 3 month teaser rate rents and negatively amortizing rent-to-own programs.

- Disenchanted Agents will join the Occupy movement. Calling themselves Doc-cupy Real Estate they’ll begin camping out at Bank of America branches until underwriters agree to approve loans and generate loan documents for well-qualified borrowers already in their queue.

- As more Americans adjust to simpler lifestyles in the wake of economic recession a dramatic increase in the number of Near Life Experiences will be reported.

- More Sellers will purchase Do-It-Yourself Home Cryogenics Kits – vowing to dig in even deeper for the long haul waiting for prices to return to 2005 levels.

- Sweeping new legislation designed to protect future homeowners will require builders to install Air Bags in all new homes.

- In a desperate move to counteract tanking sales, a local Real Estate Brokerage will substitute Nitrous Oxide for Helium in all Open House Balloons.

- Realtors will expand efforts to lure Gen X home buyers with cutting edge branding techniques like company tattoos and personal marketing piercings.

- A large pharmaceutical firm will begin clinical trials of a mourning after pill designed to relieve symptoms of Buyers Remorse.

- When Baby Boomers universally declare that old age doesn’t start until 75, defiant members of the Boomerang Generation will immediately proclaim that adulthood does not begin until the age of 35.

- Agents holding Open Houses will begin handing out insulated booties to encourage more buyers with cold feet.

- The Letterman Show will feature an ongoing series of bits called Stupid Lender Tricks.

- A new pest control franchise called The Termite Whisperer will promise to rid houses of termites without the use of toxic chemicals – by convincing them to leave voluntarily and move on to neighboring houses.

- When neuro-scientists discover that consumer brains respond most directly to smells rather than sights and sounds, Aromatherapists will be in great demand as Home Stagers. Sell the Smell will become a common catchphrase..

- More frustrated home buyers will turn to online Virtual Dream Homes in the coming year, where their Avatars can easily move into custom comfort. California will also begin exploring a Virtual Property Tax.

- In a massive effort to transform societal stigmas about the homeless, self-styled Homeless Billionaire Nicolas Berggruen will invite tens of thousands of homeless families to hotel-hop and couch-surf with him at 5 Star Resorts.

- EXTREME MORTGAGE: HOME EDITION will make its debut on Realty TV this year. First time buyers will compete for loan approval while a panel of celebrity underwriters comes up with a new set of performance anxieties each week.

- Remote Viewing will be just one of the innovative new forms of Psychic Marketing that begins to replace old fashioned, web-based, virtual tours in the coming year.

- A prestigious group of spin-doctors will accuse the National Association of Realtors of implanting false market memories in the minds of vulnerable and unsuspecting members.

- The Conversation Pit will make a comeback in American homes. More and more of them will be located in lead-lined safe rooms, where no electromagnetic television or cell phone frequencies can penetrate.

- Al Gore will once again rise to national prominence with a new film exploring global financial weirding and the meltdown of the international monetary system – called An Incoherent Truth.

X Mas for Realtors

Well, it’s Christmas Eve and there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of anything stirring in the House (or the Senate for that matter). Everyone’s gone Home for the Holidays and it looks like Real Estate is going to have to forego any of the “big” presents it asked for this year.

No big jump in jobs. No big sigh of relief loosening up tight credit. No big reduction in the shadow inventory hanging out on the horizon. No big sea change in consumer confidence headed our way. Maybe we’ll have better luck next year near the end of 2012 when those Mayan Promotional Calendars we sent out tick closer towards ground zero.
But there are only a few shopping hours left and we’ve got to get Realtors something or we’re going to get stuck putting euros in everyone’s stocking. Since this is Real Estate of Mind and it’s always the thought that counts…I’ve come up with a list of last minute gift ideas for Realtors that you can at least think about buying your favorite Real Estate Agent.

The Ultimate REALTOR Fanny Pack: Everyone in Real Estate can use a little help covering their behinds these days. This beautifully crafted leather fanny pack is crammed full of the latest/greatest ass-saving devices – plug-in carbon monoxide detectors, water-heater strapping kit, smoke alarm batteries , low flow shower heads, fireplace damper clamps and more….

UnVanity License Plate Frames: For cutting edge Agents in sync with the new normal . Those who know that too much success is not a good thing. Four Models to choose from that fit all late model BMW’s and Lexus’ ….. “My Other Car Isn’t Leased”, “ I’m Short Sale-ing this Car”, “ The Bank Owns This Car – Just like Your House” and “Used to be in the top 1% now just a Real Estate 99%er.”

Wallmart Brand Pepper Spray Dispensers: For use in those difficult multiple offer situations when clients want to dissuade the competition and move to the head of the line.

Mock Realtor Sock Puppets: Perfect educational tool for hard to convince clients. Works equally well on Sellers determined to chase the market down and Buyers who can’t pull the trigger. With these on hand, Agents can be brutally honest and say all those things they couldn’t say before.

Realtor Door Mats: Promotional door mats handcrafted in Agent’s own image. They can personally greet every prospective buyer of every listing right at the front door. Boosts their ego by letting people walk all over them literally rather than figuratively.

Orange Oil Massage Products: Perfect for on the spot termite control , bed bug infestations, or persistent client cooties.

Road to Nowhere Bumper Stickers: Do you Know Where Your ARM is? Flip Real Estate – One Finger at a Time! Mortgage …Why do you think they call it Death Tax? I’m Addressed for Distress are You?

Real Estate I PHONE APPS: Random Number Generator App – ideal for choosing a list price. Vanilla Extract App – generates that warm and cozy open house smell. Marble App – put that phone on the floor and see if it is level. Slumlord Map App: Instantly pull up every student rental in a 3 block radius.

Market Periscopes: Easy assembly. Perfect re-gift for Underwater Homeowners who want to keep an eye on prices and know when they can come up for air.

Niche Gifts for Clients: Seed and Stem Packs – a sensitive way for Agents to tell down and out clients they care. Forget-You-Nots – flower seeds to send out after that next escrow from hell. Recession Recipe Cards – delicious menu tips using spilt milk, sour dough, entrees stewed in juice and guaranteed to stick in most craws. Pot Pourri: A delightful blend of medical marijuana selections designed to light up homes even on the most dark and depressing days.

Home Inspection Coming…Duck and Cover!

Another Home Inspection this week. Another reminder just how risky daily life is. Will most of us even survive the night under the false-security and un-protective custody of our not-so-safe-houses?

Homes used to be a places of refuge. Bastions of comfort. Sanctuaries from all those bad things – out there.
They used to say that most accidents occurred within five miles of home. But after reading this 60 page tome of a Home Inspection my listing client paid $750 for, I’m not so sure.

Now that I’m more aware of all the insidious dangers lurking in every room, closet and corner of the one place that’s supposed to nurture us the most, I don’t see how anyone makes it out the front door in one piece – let alone down the driveway.

Nothing like a Home Inspection Report to make you feel incredibly paranoid and insecure. Nothing like a Home Inspection to make a million dollar place feel like a loathsome den of inadequacy.

I call it the 60 Minutes Syndrome. Goes something like this. Morley Safer (fictitious name?) does a riveting expose on the dangers of automatic garage doors – evil snares for unsuspecting children and small pets – waiting to pin them helplessly underneath.

By the following week consumer protection advocates are up in arms calling for new codes and retroactive auto-reverse safety mechanisms.

On the front line of the Center for Dis-Ease Patrol are the Code Talkers. The Home Inspectors that cite chapter and verse of all the new codes to live by. They understand after a lawsuit or two that if they don’t warn everyone about every possible thing that could potentially harm everyone, their own asses are in grave danger. CYA rules. Absolute CYA rules absolutely.

And so we are moving into strange territory –Caveat Emptor (Buyer Beware) is slowly morphing into Caveat Venditor – which means Seller Beware of all those things that will scare you about your own home and scare the heck out of potential home buyers too.

Home Sweet Home. How can it kill, maim or injure thee? Let me count the ways… Here are just a few of the things you never knew you had to worry about…until now.

Does your oven have an anti-tip device? Ever see an oven fall over on someone? Not pretty.

That naked light bulb in your closet? Stack those sweaters high enough and there’s a fire waiting to happen.

That dryer vent? Filling up with combustible layers of lint even as we speak.

How many dyslexic plumbers have installed hot and cold water lines backwards?

Is every stairway a potential stairway to heaven? Risers too high? Too wide? Treds uneven? Handrails too hard to grip?

And God Forbid. Deck rails more than 4 inches apart? Wide enough for small heads to get stuck? My own baby crib had bars wider than that. You are all witness to the end result.

Those sharp screws that secure the electric panel? What if the tip of one of those screws pierces a wire coming in?

GFCI’s? Carbon Monoxide Detectors? Smoke Alarms? Pool Alarms? A ban on all extension cords? Installing tempered glass? Clamps to hold open the damper on your gas fireplace?

When I was growing up we had the good old overriding fear of the atomic bomb. As long as we listened to Bert the Turtle – ducked, covered and didn’t stare directly into the blast, we were ok.

Everything else was gravy. Well, except for remembering not to run with sharp pencils in hand or put those plastic dry cleaning bags over our heads. Life was a gift with all it’s imperfections. But that was a different day and age.

Long before fear came home to roost.

Time To Spring Backward

Let’s recap…Last week I put my counter-intuitive,counter-cyclical,counter-cultural-contrarian advice out there in no uncertain terms.

If you really want to sell your house…quit stalling. List it today. Get it on the market. In the middle of December. Right in the heart of holiday flux-time. Forget about next spring. Or next summer. Don’t waste any more precious time or shrinking equity.

Since I didn’t see a lot of bright and shiny new listings coming on this week, your overwhelming response was decidedly underwhelming. Looks like we’re going to surrender to the holidays once again. Succumb to the status quo. Choose the myth of realty over the reality of it.

Tell people to get their houses on the market these days and all you get back is a cacophony of collective excuses echoing:
No one buys this time of year. The weather is bad. My house looks better in the spring with flowers blooming. The market will be better then. Everyone moves during the summer to get settled before the new school year. There will be a lot more buyers then.

Did I miss anything? Any other old chestnuts about why this is such a terrible time to list a house? Funny. Over the last four years virtually every single thing we thought we knew about real estate has been turned upside down.
And yet, we still cling to old notions about how it works. Perhaps to give ourselves some illusion of comfort? Permission to kick the can a little further down the road? Hang onto the belief that there’s still a traditional world waiting for us somewhere around the bend?

Here’s the irony Sellers: There are ton of buyers out there. What’s holding them back? The lack of decent homes to choose from. They are tired of bank-owned bomb-shelters. They are wary of interminable short sales that remind them life is too short to wait for idiot lienholders to respond.

They are ready to plunk their money down on real homes offered by real sellers. There are plenty of recent multiple offers to prove it.

You can wait until spring when the flowers bloom but while you are waiting, the market will still be going down in value. Whatever you hope to gain will be eroded by the time you get there. The grass will be greener but your net proceeds won’t be.

And it’s true that a higher number of homes sell in the summer than in the winter. But it is also true that lots more homes don’t sell in the summer than in the winter. In other words, a higher percentage of homes available in the supposedly slow months between November and February actually do sell, than in the “good” months between May and August. Would you rather be selling, when there are fewer competing properties or when there are a whole lot more homes for buyers to choose from?

Perhaps in the 50’s there actually were more Ward and June Cleavers buying new houses in the summer so Wally and the Beav could settle in before school started. But these days nuclear families are a minority demographic in the Bay Area. The bulk of those brand new beautiful schools and family neighborhoods are quite a distance due east of here. And overall, California ranks close to last in terms of public schools. The school syndrome is simply not a huge market motivator. There is no there, here.

So each year around this same time…we tell ourselves that Christmas for real estate is really going to arrive in April. We did it last year and the year before and the year before that. And we are still waiting for it like April Fools. This year, make your Christmas list early.

SELLING EXCUSES

Before you start…look at the small type on top of this tiny font. Says right there. Advertorial. As in AD-vertorial – that funny (not necessarily funny ha-ha) two-headed beast that’s somehow supposed to combine ADvertising with EDitorializing.

Are AD and ED compatible? Or more like Dual Agency where the same Agent/Broker supposedly represents a buyer and seller fairly and completely impartially? A Solomon-like task. Not for the faint of heart. And not to be repeated too many times – unless one is fond of lawsuits.

Does Advertorial mirror the essential contradiction of real estate? Many of us perceiving this as a service profession – helping people through life transitions – but knowng we don’t get paid unless something sells.

Bottom line? Shouldn’t I be trying harder to sell you something? Ply you with my wares? Get into your head with a brand of hype-gnosis that glorifies me above and beyond all others who must be infinitely less capable of satisfying needs you may not even be aware you have – based on the fact that I’m paying for this space?

Real Estate of Mind. A handful of column inches. A brain map of my design. As all us unruly kids know, inside my head at least, no one is the boss of me. So I don’t have to sell myself if I don’t want to.
Today’s message? Listen with open minds.

If you truly want to sell…. list your property now. Get it on the market. You don’t have to list it with me. Just don’t wait – list it with someone.

Now let’s review all the objections that come rushing back in whenever someone like me tries to push the envelope of ambivalent Sellers:
a) No one buys properties this time of year.
b) My home looks better in the spring… flowers are blooming.
c) There are more buyers in the spring. People move in the summer before the new school year.
d) I’ll get more money when the market is better – next spring.
e) I have holiday plans, dinners to prepare and presents to purchase.

And….what do I say to all of the above? Excuses. Proof positive that the mind is capable of rationalizing everything. Devise clever stories that help people avoid what they have to do at some point in time. Today. Tomorrow. Next spring.

Most Agents have heard the same objections since time immemorial. And most just accept the status quo without questioning it. Even in this brave new world of real estate – where “normal” no longer applies. We sink into the holiday haze. A tryptophan high dulls our senses and fosters an altered real estate of awareness.

I was shaken out of my 4th quarter stupor recently – by a couple of events – reminding me, why prevailing wisdom doesn’t necessarily apply anymore – if it ever did.

I’ve done two different Sentinel Featured Home/Open House Ads (look to the right of this one) – accompanying two different open houses in the last month. You know – November – when no one is looking or buying.

One open house in Corralitos had 150 people through. The other featured open in Bonny Doon had 50 people show. That’s Corralitos and Bonny Doon! That’s a ton of people. Now, I’m not going to say that there weren’t a few lookey-loos or home gossip-hobbyists in the bunch… but the end result? Multiple offers on both properties. All cash. No investors. No bottom feeders. Just regular people. Looking for nice homes. Whaaaaattttt? Flies in the face of reason. November? In a buyers market? How’s that possible?

Next week – I’ll explain why it’s not only possible but actually more probable.

Channeling my Inner Gekko

C’mon fellow Realtors.  Fess up.  Who doesn’t relapse into moments of fond reverie for those thrilling days of yesteryear ?   When greed was good. Liars loans were handed out like Halloween candy.  Transactions flowed like manna from heaven.

I catch glimpses of my inner-Gekko staring at me in the mirror sometimes.  He whispers naughty things .  He wants me to get up in front of all those Buyers on the fence and exhort them to get off their butts. Step up. Grab those low interest rates.

Wouldn’t a little bit of greed (for lack of a better word) do us all a lot of good in this impasse? Money can’t wake up if fear never sleeps.

But apparently, some Buyers aren’t ready to “buy in.”  They want to play the part without actually having to consummate the act – no matter how low rates and prices limbo down.  Content to reside safely in the bosom of their own fear.

The best way to avoid risk?   Call your worst fears something else.  Circumvent them in advance.  Make sure you always have a back door open so nothing continues to happen. Today’s Buyers have designed some incredibly creative hedges for the fearful baggage they’re dragging around:

BENEATH THE MEANS TIDE:  Get pre-qualified. Decide to buy $100k below that, just to be “safe.” Don’t worry, you won’t find any champagne on the beer budget you have.

DOWN-SIZE ME:   Leave a smaller footprint.  2br/2ba/1100 sq ft w/ 3 kids.  Keep trying houses on for size with that mental shoehorn. You want to save the planet but not at the expense of your sanity.

LIVE FOREVER:  A great ploy.  Resolve to live the rest of your life in the next home you buy.  It has to cover all contingencies until you die.  Relax. You’ll never find it.

THE IDEAL DEAL:  Make a list of 100 priorities.  Perfection for $500k. 3 bedrooms. Total privacy. Move-in condition. Huge lot. Great views.  You can stall forever because it ain’t there.

THE WORLD IS MY OYSTER: Bonny Doon to Rio Del Mar, rural to city, big to small, make your search parameters so broad that neither you or your Agent will ever zero in on something that fits your fuzzy needs.

BAIT YOUR SWITCH: Find your perfect replacement property first. Then put your house on the market.  Make a low contingent offer. The odds are in your favor that nothing will happen.

SHORT STUFF: Get into a short sale to make you feel like a real Buyer. Get out anytime.  Could take months to even get a first response.  No pressure to perform here.

NON-COMPETE CLAUSE: Vow not to participate in any multiple offers  – “on principle.”  Take it as a personal offense to a Buyer in a Buyers Market. If anything really good comes on, you are already out of the running.

WAITING GAME GAMBIT: Sit and wait for price reductions.  Wait. Wait. Wait.  Not doing something can easily be construed being “active” in this kind of market.

THE LOW BLOW: Wait until a big juicy price reduction arrives. Then offer $100k less the next day.  They’re sure to reject your offer.

THE CHINA SYNDROME:  Arm yourself with every economic factoid your analysis-paralysis can muster. When the right house arrives, simply cite currency pressures from the Yuan and blow the deal out of the water.

GROUND MEAT:   In case you actually find yourself in escrow, better have an exit strategy.  There is always an excuse to get out but it’s embarrassing to make an excuse that everyone knows is an excuse.  Better to grind on inspection issues. Big. Small. Just keep grinding until the Seller says good bye instead of good buy.

If It’s All About the Bread, Then You Are Already Toast

First, this week’s obligatory pre-ramble:

Real Estate – it’s not a job. It’s an adventure.

If you don’t see it that way, odds are you aren’t going to last more than a few months in the trenches. And you certainly won’t make it out of the deep end of an escrow alive.

If you don’t find a way to embrace all the strange, quirky, funny, contradictory things – big and little – that this business tosses into your lap, you’re destined to become one very angry, frustrated and unhappy soul. Convinced that the universe and everyone in it is conspiring to make life more miserable and infinitely more difficult for you.

And if you do happen to be a brand new Realtor and are starting out thinking this is all about the bread…then you are already toast. You just don’t know it yet.

My suggestion? Put a bumper sticker that reads Keep Real Estate Weird, right next to the vanity license plate on your BMW. Thank the mysterious fates that led you to the golden grail of your Realtor lapel pin. Revel in the daily events that allow such intimate access and startling glimpses into the good, bad and ugly of people’s hopes and fears. Approach every bump in the road with beginner’s mind. View each as invitation to explore the inexhaustible repertoire of interesting human tricks that resides in the busy intersection between real life and real estate.

And now, on to this week’s real estate of mind game. It’s a kind of neuroplasticity exercise …called complete the phrase. Keeps your brain from fossilizing into a rigid status quo. Agents, feel free to jump in and add your suggestions. Just e mail them to me and I’ll make sure they see the light of print, somehow, someday.

As a Listing Agent you know you are in trouble when….? (Where to start, so many answers, so few column inches?)

As a Listing Agent I know I’m in trouble when my client scrunches up her face and says: “ We don’t really have to have a for sale sign or a lockbox do we?”

I’m in trouble when my clients says: “Oh, did I forget to mention that old gasoline tank that’s under the driveway, when we filled out those disclosure forms?”

I’m in trouble when my client says: “ You’ll make sure that none of my nosey neighbors comes in during the Open House right?”

I’m in trouble when there are five cats licking their chops every time the door opens and my client says: “Make sure you don’t let any of my cats out. I’ll die if anything happens to one of them.”

I’m in trouble when I notice my client has a blocked number and she doesn’t seem to have any qualms about calling me five times a day.

I’m in trouble when the first emergency call at ten o’clock at night is: “ The flyer box out front is empty!”

I’m in trouble when the list of fixtures that my client wants to remove from the house seems to keep growing.

I’m in trouble when my client starts correcting the punctuation in my full page ads.

I’m in trouble when a full price, all-cash offer comes in the second day and my client’s first response is: “ I knew you priced it too low.”

I’m in trouble when we get our first offer after three months and my client asks: “ Do you think we can put him off for a few weeks while we wait to see what else comes in?”

I’m in trouble when we are already 10 days into escrow before my client happens to mention: “ You know, I’ve been thinking that I’d really like a 90 day rent back. They won’t mind will they?”

Who’s Fooling Who in the Mirror?

Ok everyone. Buckle up. Plenty of ground to cover. Gotta move fast.

You want to sell your house and buy another one? How do you do it, in a market where the notion of a Contingent Offer is met with almost universal fear and loathing?

The answer?  You trick yourself into it – knowing you’ll probably fight your own pre-programmed subroutines the entire way.  Sometimes benevolent strategies for self-deception are the only way to circumvent your own inertia.  Who’s really fooling who when we look in the mirror anyway?

Start with a stern reminder not to get fixated on what your house is worth.  Let that go.  It’s the relationship between what you sell and what you buy that counts.
Market goes down – you sell for less, buy for less. Market goes up – you sell for more but also buy for more.  That’s the refrain you keep coming back to – until you’ve pounded it into your own thick skull, past the little voice in your head that always says “sell high and buy low”.

The next step is “research” -  which is really just a clever way of fooling yourself into not getting overly focused on the end result too soon.  Research simply means beginning  to explore the marketplace.  Seeing properties.  Getting on a search engine. Identifying priorities. Narrowing parameters.

As long as you are merely conducting research, the pressure to “buy”  the perfect dream home is off.  There’s no panic. You aren’t ready to buy anyway.

If there are two or three places, in your price range that could conceivably work  – then you’ve successfully determined that your notion of home isn’t on Mars while the market itself is on Venus.  They are in the same ballpark. Finding a few places means there will be others. That’s all you need to know.

Now it’s time to muster your inner boy scout and invite him to undertake the performance of a lifetime.  Like any great method actor, he needs to prepare. Immerse himself totally in the role.  Become the seller of your house. Even though he has no real clue how it will all play out.

The Actor gets your home ready for sale in every way possible. Deals with all the stuff. Gets the inspections done.  Knows all the answers to all the questions before the future buyer asks them.  Stages things. Creates curb appeal. Makes it perfect.

Preparing a home for sale with full intention is what opens up space for possibility.  When you start saying goodbye to the past, the home that resides in your future can emerge in the present.

One big irrational fear that often arises goes something like this: If I put my house on the market, someone will make a full price offer the first day. I’ll have to sell before I’ve found another home and I’ll be homeless!

A quick deconstruction of this multi-story edifice  tells us we don’t have to sell if someone makes a full price offer – that’s an urban myth. And listing Agents often neglect to educate sellers about something called a Seller’s Contingency – the ultimate backdoor out in the face of all offers. And, there is always Plan B, if someone makes an offer to good to refuse. You can rent. Not a first choice maybe but definitely beats homeless.

If you can only visualize going through this process if it means finding the perfect home without any sacrifice or hard work or compromise then what you are really saying is that you are willing hang onto your imperfect home that already requires lots of sacrifice and compromise so you can avoid the specter of change.

Well, with the help of a little misdirection that get’s us up to the point of actually going on the market. Maybe next week, we’ll really try to sell the thing.